Step 1: Understand what poses you like

The first thing I would do if I had my engagement session coming up was to look on Pinterest or Instagram at other engagement photos. I would screenshot or take a mental note about the photos I'm drawn to, and think about why that is. Do you love how natural the couple looks, as they laugh like they just shared an inside joke? Do you love how much fun it looks like the couple is having, as they run and chase each other? Do you love how poised and elegant the couple looks, as they stare off into the distance together in a warm embrace?

Vibes you might want your engagement photos to emulate:

Which words stuck out to you?

After reading through that word bank, notice which words resonated with you -- and communicate that to your photographer! If my client told me they love the idea of authentic, candid photos that are joyous and playful, I would pose them totally differently than my client who told me they want sophisticated, editorial photos that come across as chic and luxurious. That's why it's so important to first know what kind of poses you even like, before worrying about how to do them.

Assuming you and the photographer now know the vibes you're going for, let's talk about actually posing.

Movement is your new best friend

If you want photos that look natural, movement is the key. Point blank period! That's why photographers love having their clients doing walking photos, spinning, or other prompts that allow us to freeze a real moment. You might want to think of yourself as an actor, and your photographer as the director. They'll ask you to keep doing more "takes" of the same pose or motion (like spinning) until they tell you to stop (or until you get dizzy).

But even if you're in a more "static pose" such as facing each other with your arms around your partner's neck, there are still some things you can do to incorporate movement. You could kiss their forehead, or their cheek or temple. You could move your hand position, slowly around their neck then down their arm. You could look at each other, then at the camera, then look opposite ways. You could subtly adjust the tilt of your head or your shoulders. When you're still, that's when you get self-conscious and stiff. So keep moving, even if it's only a little!

Don't be afraid to repeat the same motion either - it may feel unnatural in person but it helps ensure the photographer gets the best photo! There's a cool video I like to reference of an actress on a red carpet - she's constantly moving her arm back and forth. It looks kind of weird and unnatural in the video, because no one would do that in real life, but that's not the point. The point is that at any moment if the photographer takes a picture, it will freeze that arm motion and automatically make her look effortless and natural, as if the photographer just happened to get an authentic shot of her. But we know the truth! It does take a bit of conscious effort to keep moving, but once you get in the rhythm of it its hard to stop.

Pro Tip: Pretend the photographer is taking a video of you

You know when your friend pulls out their phone from across the dinner table, and you smile for an awkwardly long amount of time before they whisper "it's a video". You automatically start to move around! For pictures, we have been programmed to stay still. But this works against you in a photoshoot setting, because once I've taken a few photos of the same thing there needs to be some variation, even as simple as looking at each other vs. at the camera. So here's what I want you to do - I want you to gaslight yourself into thinking that I'm actually taking a video of you. This way, you'll be more inclined to keep the movement flowing, whether that be playing with your hair or pulling your partner in for a kiss.

Focus on each other

Of course, we will get some classic photos of you and your partner smiling and looking at the camera - photos that your mom will want to frame. But I know that you want more than that! I typically do a few of those standard poses at the beginning of the session, to somewhat get it out of the way and move on to the more fun stuff. For the majority of the session, I don't want you to look at the camera at all. Rather, I want you to focus on your partner. When I ask you to walk towards me holding hands for example, it would look so awkward if you were staring down the barrel of the lens the whole time. Instead - look at each other, point out the view, bump hips, whisper something funny to make each other laugh! The whole point of engagement photos is to show off your love and connection to each other. So remember to be yourselves, whether that be playful and silly or caring and deep. I want your unique bond to shine through above all else. This whole photoshoot is actually a great opportunity to share a new experience with your partner, and if I've done my job right, it should feel like a super fun date night for you two! So try not to think too hard about the camera, and keep your attention on your significant other.

A Note about Insecurities:

If you are someone who is particularly self-conscious about how you look, I understand that taking professional photos can be a somewhat scary or intimidating experience. If you're comfortable sharing what you're insecure about to your photographer, that can be helpful in dictating how they pose you. For example, if someone told me they really hate their side profile, I would avoid poses were I see their side profile dead on and instead ask them to angle their face more towards me. If someone told me they were insecure about their arms, I might advise them on clothing to wear so they're not stressing about it the whole session. I am a huge believer that everyone is beautiful and that professional photos can prove that to people in a really magical way. However, realistically I know that everyone has insecurities, and if I can help in any way to make you love the end result of the photos and boost your confidence, I would be honored to do that!

Trust the Photographer

As I mentioned before, I give tons of posing guidance to my clients. A lot of people tell me that they booked with me because my couples looked natural in the photos. I appreciate that so deeply! What's funny to me is they don't know that the couples who they think look so natural are the same couples who originally told me "I'm so awkward in photos, you have to help me!". All to say, a good photographer will know how to gently direct their couple into prompts that create genuine moments.

Sometimes the pose I ask my couples to do is SUPER cheesy and awkward; and that's the point! Doing something so silly and stupid, like whispering in your partner's ear your favorite cereal in a sexy voice, will guarantee a real laugh and smile. Sometimes I'm intentionally vague, like having you sit down and telling you to "cuddle up together" because I want to see how you would naturally cuddle up together on the couch. Trust that I have a vision, and that overall you're in good hands, even if the pose feels silly in the moment.

That being said, every photographer works a little differently! Some photographers are true "documentary" photographers who will give you little to no guidance in order to capture you as you naturally are with no intervention. That is a beautiful concept, but could make some people feel nervous if they're self-conscious about not knowing what to do. So make sure to hire a photographer who aligns with what you want from the session.

Feel free to practice - but don't overthink it

It's common for people to have a preferred side of their face for photos. It's common to know how you personally like your hair best (maybe one side forward, maybe slicked back, etc.) So in that sense, feel free to practice a few poses with your partner or by yourself to see how you look in them! I would especially encourage doing this while wearing the same outfits you're going to wear for your engagement session, so you can test things like movement or tightness. For example, could your dress flow in a pretty way if you sway it back and forth? Are you comfortable sitting down in those jeans?

My only caution with practicing poses and checking how you look in the mirror is that I would hate for you to be too in your head during the actual photoshoot. I want you to be in the moment, not stressing about having your chin up or tummy sucked in the whole time because that's how you practiced it.

Let go of looking perfect

This is a hard one guys! As a Type A perfectionist myself, I know how it feels to want to look perfect in photos. Unfortunately, this desperate want creates a certain look in your expression and body language that actually does you a disservice. You would look and FEEL tense in the photos, vs. coming across as relaxed and comfortable in your own skin. You could even snap at your partner, or create an unpleasant experience for yourself overall when this could and should be a super fun one! That's where it comes back to trusting your photographer. Over the years, I've become quite good at noticing little things out of place. I'll fix your hair if I notice one piece is flipped over where it shouldn't be, or I'll adjust your necklace if the little back end is showing. (Did I mention I was Type A?) Trust that I got you; I'll make sure you look amazing in every frame so you only have to worry about having fun and making memories with your partner!

Final thoughts

If you're nervous about having professional photos taken, or feel like you're so awkward that you couldn't possibly take a good photo, know that you're not alone! That's totally normal, and the vast majority of people feel that way before their engagement session. But with the right photographer, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about besides connecting with your partner. Try to let go of the idea of perfection, and put trust into your photographer to capture you in a flattering way that showcases your love. You don't need to be a model - you just need to be open to a little direction, not afraid of feeling silly in the moment, and have a photographer that hypes you up every step of the way (hi, that's me)!