Consider what your partner would want!

You know your partner like the back of your hand. Think for a moment, how they would like to be proposed to. Would they want their family and friends to be present, to greet you two with big hugs and congratulations after the special moment? Would they adore a big public display, like proposing at a ball game? Or would they prefer things to be more intimate and personal? These are the first questions to ask yourself, and to keep in mind throughout your planning process. Keep the focus on what THEY would want!

Pick the perfect location

When you're getting ready to propose, a huge step is deciding WHERE you want to do it. I recommend choosing a location that’s meaningful to you both — perhaps your first date spot, your favorite hike, or even your own backyard if you spend a lot of time there together. If you haven't been there before, make sure it's at least a beautiful location, like a scenic lookout. Ask me about my Location Guide if you need some ideas! It features 40+ of my favorite places to go all around the San Francisco Bay Area and surrounding counties.

Pro tip: Think about lighting and the background if you're hiring a photographer. Golden hour is magic, noon is the worst!

Hire a photographer (Secretly or not!)

A proposal is a once-in-a-lifetime moment that your partner will likely love to have photos of, both to remember and to share with friends. There are several ways to go about this from a photography perspective. In many cases, the proposal happens at a beautiful location. That makes it easy for me to be there without my presence being automatically suspicious. I simply pretend to take photos of the scenery, until I catch in the corner of my eye that you're walking up and about to go on one knee. At that point, I can pivot my camera lens to start capturing you two, and your partner will be so wrapped up in the moment that they won't even notice me until after!

Option two is you can book me for a couples photoshoot. We would do a few classic poses, before I would suggest a pose where you'd have the opportunity to get in position without your partner noticing. For example, I would instruct you two to go back to back and take a few steps away from each other. While your partner is taking those steps, you would instead get down on one knee. When I tell them to turn around, they'll be so surprised. (And I'll have the shot perfectly framed!)

Choose the right outfit

Make sure you both dress nice for the proposal! For men - no big logos, writing on the shirt, or crazy patterns/colors. You also want your partner to feel amazing —but how do you get them to dress up without giving away the surprise?

You can try:

• Planning a “nice dinner” or “couples shoot” as a cover.
• Looping in a trusted friend to suggest dressing up. "You should wear that white dress tonight, you looked AMAZING in it!"
• Drop a hint that where you're going, if it's a surprise, is an upscale place that they'll want to dress up for.
• You get dressed first, and ask if they have anything to wear that would match your outfit because you'd like to get a nice photo of the two of you tonight.

Make sure their nails are done

Again, you know your partner best! Since photographers love to get close up shots of the ring on their hand, consider if your partner would want to have their nails done for these photos. If they get their nails done regularly, make sure they're a good color and not grown out. (For example, women typically want a neutral colored nail when they get engaged, like white, tan, or french tips. This is not the time for a bright purple with bedazzled jewels!) Feel free to ask a friend to help coordinate this. For example, their friend could tell them they received a buy one get one free coupon from a new nail shop, and would they like to join? However, if they never get their nails done and that would be too suspicious, consider buying a pack of press on nails instead. You can keep it in the car, and afterwards let them know they have the option to quickly glue them on if they want to for the photos!

Have a backup plan

This is especially important for outdoor proposals. What if it rains? What if your partner takes much longer than expected to get ready, and now the sunlight is almost gone? Ask your photographer and other vendors/people you might be working with on what their policy is for these cases. For example, I do allow rescheduling in the case of heavy rain. Always remember to communicate with your vendors if you need to update the timing as well, such as if you're running late or accidentally got there earlier than planned and want to make sure everyone's ready or if you should stall.

Consider having a proposal setup

A floral arch, candles, a picnic, or a sign with “Will you marry me?”—these extras elevate the experience and the photos. It will also prove to your partner just how much time, effort, and planning went into making them feel special for this big day. I recommend checking out Kismat Luxury Events (linked below) for stunning, professional setups. You can customize the flowers, decor, and colors you want and not have to stress about doing the setup yourself! Just make sure the setup aligns with your partner’s taste: simple and sweet, or bold and romantic?

You could also ask your friends and family to help with a simple setup, like a crescent of flowers and candles on the ground. A little extra effort goes a long way!

Plan the words

As much as you'd like to think you're an improv master, don’t wing it! Think about what you want to say, and make it heartfelt. You don’t need a script, but a few sincere lines about why you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. Know that you might forget everything as soon as you get down on one knee, but hey - it's the thought that counts!

On your way to the proposal

When you're on your way to the proposal, try to act normal and keep the conversation flowing how you usually would. Don't get silent, or constantly check your phone. In fact, keep your phone on silent if possible - vendors & friends might be blowing up your phone to let you know they're in position, and you wouldn't want your partner to innocently check what all those notifications are!

When you're walking up to do the proposal, try not to have too much in your hands. Put your phone away, and don't carry your jacket or water bottle under your arm. Come exactly how you want to be for the proposal itself, even if that means running back to the car for something afterwards. Obviously, remember to bring the ring box but make sure it's not visible. If possible, try to take your partner's phone out of their hands too. You could ask to see it real quick to check something, then subtly put it away. Or have your friend/photographer grab their phone & purse as you walk by them!

My tips for the proposal itself

• Make sure to position yourself in a way that the photographer can see both of your side profiles as you face each other (not the back of one person's head)!
• Make sure to stay down on one knee for a while. This ensures the photographer can get all the best angles for the photos. I've had proposals where the man got so nervous he immediately bounced right back up, and I almost missed it altogether!
• Have your phone on silent, and ideally not visible.
• Hide your ring box smartly: stash it in your sock, or jacket pocket, or buy a slim box for discreet carrying.
• Be present. Take a deep breath and savor this special moment - don't rush through it!

Don't stress over perfection

Things might not go 100% to plan—and that’s okay. The real win is the emotion and authenticity of the moment, and the fact that you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's so special! Remember that your love and intention matter most. Deep breath. You got this!